I had my fallopian tubes removed yesterday

Hmm...that's a mouthful, one I'm not really ready to say out loud, so I decided to start a little blog.

I'm 37 and recently married to a man I've been with for I guess seven years now (I've never really been good at elapsed time). But yeah, 37, recently married, former school teacher, current school counselor, and I always thought I'd be a mommy. I remember one day about 12 years ago, I was outside playing with my pup and this little girl asked me "aren't you a mom?" That long ago day, my response was "not yet". I mean, I wasn't married and the guy I was still in love with was sleeping with somebody else. So "not yet" was the best answer I could give the little cutie.

But today, I don't have any fallopian tubes and it's really messing with my head. I know, believe me I know there are far worse things that could occur, and I realize I have options (adoption and/or IVF). But today, at this moment, the thought that I can't just "make a baby" is really messing with me and I feel very lonely and scared. I have a lot of "what ifs" in my head that I'm trying to supress because I don't want to allow that fear to spark life. It's just how I feel right now, today...but tomorrow will be different.